


Scars & Freckles

by schreibfederlaerm



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Past Abuse, Trans Laurens, Trans Male Character, but it's only like implied in the slam, poem based, there's also a poetry slam in it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-13
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:35:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7442836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schreibfederlaerm/pseuds/schreibfederlaerm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"i’m covered in freckles<br/>you’re covered in scars<br/>i call yours beauty lines<br/>you call mine stars<br/>—we’re beautiful "<br/>When John Laurens and Alexander Hamilton meet in a club, they instantly become friends. Each line represents a glimpse of this friendship as it develops - maybe into more than that. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i'm covered in freckles

More than a dozen people were in the club. John Laurens could smell the alcohol and also feel it when the soles of his shoes didn’t immediately part from the sticky floor.  
It wasn’t that bad of a club normally, he really liked it here.

That was why he was supposed to meet his friends, Herc and Laf, here but they didn’t show up yet.

Laurens fidgeted with the seam of his sweater, alertly observing the bar that was almost empty except for a young woman John’s age and an older guy sitting relatively close to her.  
A few minutes before John had drunk his beer next to the man; that was before the girl appeared.

She was pretty, dark-haired, with witty eyes and a smirk in the corner of her mouth.  
Her looks weren’t the reason John watched them, though.

The both of them talked for a while now and he just couldn’t figure out whether the girl was uncomfortable with the situation.  
He didn’t want to make a fuss but way more he wanted the girl to be safe.

Additionally Laurens wasn’t sure what he could do anyway.  
He liked to think he was passing most of the time, but that didn’t mean he was a particular big guy.  
His 5’5 would raise not more than a laugh– maybe even a fist if the man was as drunk as John thought he was.

The girl shifted in her seat, trying to get more space between her and the man.

That was the moment _he_ walked in.  
John didn’t think twice before tapping the shoulder of the new guy with the ponytail.

He looked confused at first but cracked a smile when he had focused on Laurens.  
„Why, hey. I’m sorry, do I know you?”

He shook his head hastily. „No, but I think I need your help.”

The other one squared his shoulders. „What can I do?” he asked immediately.

Laurens felt the blood rushing to his face.  
What had he thought, asking a stranger for help? But there was no way back and he was really worried about the girl.

„Don’t look now but,” he lowered his voice, „there’s a girl at the bar and the guy next to her isn’t giving up. He’s seen me already but maybe you could pretend you are a friend and take her away from him? She said she’s waiting for a friend anyway. I know how that sounds and I didn’t mean to bother you but…please.”

The other one looked to the bar and his eyes widened slightly.

He looked back at Laurens with an odd expression on his face.  
„Okay, dude. Wait for me here, okay?”

Before Laurens could say anything the other guy had already traversed the room.

Watching the scene he shifted his weight nervously, keeping his fingers occupied by playing with a thread of his sweater.

The guy with the ponytail – who was admittedly cute, Laurens noticed now – tapped the girl on the shoulder, just to put his arm smoothly around it.

The girl visibly relaxed in his grip and it was only moments later that the man cleared off with a sullen expression.  
John gazed after him frowning.

 

 „Hey again, Freckles.” Cute Ponytail took him by surprise.

He panicked for a second before recognizing him, immediately calming down.  
„Thank you so much, man.”

Cute Ponytail shook his head. „No, I have to thank you. There aren’t many people who would care that much about another person’s well-being.” He gave him a bright smile.

„Well, you obviously did too, so I don’t see-“

„Eliza really is one of my best friends,” he interrupted. „I’m the friend she was waiting for. She wants to say thanks, too, by the way.”

Laurens didn’t know what to say, but that didn’t seem to become a problem: The other one just kept talking.

„I’m really glad you kept an eye on her. She has a hard time saying no in general and with guys like that…” he frowned. „Anyway – gosh, do you know your freckles are fucking distracting?”

Laurens guessed him just blushing didn’t help to keep the conversation going, so he shrugged. „I’m covered in them, you get used to it.”

The other guy beamed at him. „I’d love to. Though I don’t think that will ever happen. They’re too cute.”

And again, John lost his capability of using words.

„And I’m Alex. Alexander Hamilton.” He looked at him expectantly.

„Laurens. I mean, John. John Laurens. Hey.”

 „Hey again, Laurens.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never posted a fic before, I promise that I'll make y'all proud!  
> But seriously, the next one will be much angst, be prepared.  
> 


	2. you're covered in stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is going to be angstier! Warnings for implied self harm, also implied physical abuse and suicide mention. If you skip the cursive parts, only the suicide mention applies. Stay safe!

John Laurens happily took a nip of his cherry cola.

His period thankfully stopped the day before and there was an aquarium on his left, sending a soft light into the otherwise rather dark room.

On his right sat his friends, which actually made him even happier than the fishes – it was the first time Alex hadn’t placed himself on the edge of their respective seating accommodation.

Instead he was sitting between Laurens and Laf who was cuddling with their boyfriend Herc.

John was glad he seemed to settle into their group, realizing he was more than „someone Laurens knows” but becoming more and more of a really good friend – especially after Eliza turned out to be in the same music class as Lafayette.

She had to keep an eye on her little sister tonight so she couldn’t be there.

There, that was a former warehouse now filled with sitting areas and a stage at one end.

A young man talked about what they could expect in the next hour.

„Remind me again,” Laf whispered, „How do you call these things?”

„Poetry Slam.” Alex smiled as he whispered back, his eyes glistening in the dim light.

He turned to John and his smile grew bigger.  
Alexander and Lafayette got along great but secretly John was glad it was still him who this beaming grin was for. „I’m excited.”  
Laurens pressed his hand – something that has become a habit to them. „Me too.”

Suddenly everyone in the room went quiet as a small figure appeared on the stage.

She was clearly nervous but her voice was steady anyway.

„Guys, gals and non-binary pals! I’m Kylie and if you want to tell your friends what you think about the following, it’s ‘ _She_ is a chaotic mess without talent but _her_ hair was nice’. Thank you.”

She took a trembling breath as the laughter ebbed away.

Squaring her shoulders she stared in the distance, just above her audience’s heads.  
Her hands were clenched, John noticed. Then she started.

 _„Hey, let me introduce you to my body._  
_Well it isn’t mine._  
_It was shattered into pieces and_  
_People kept claiming them to be theirs_  
_Let me introduce you to its owners_

 _This is the part that isn’t mine but society’s_  
_Say hi, I smell like vineyard peaches_  
_and drunk touches I didn’t ask for_  
_I’d rather smell like camp fires and saltwater_  
_and old notes on a piano but_

_Hey, let me introduce you to my body  
This is the part that isn’t mine but its,”_

She pointed to her curls, moving for the first time,

 _„It is living in my head with me and it gives much advice_  
_It tells me who doesn’t love me and doesn’t care_  
_Just to make sure I won’t forget after the_  
_Two thousandth repetition at 4 am._

_It even signed its part,  
Here and here and here,”_

She moved her hands quickly over her arms and thighs and shrugged.  
Alex gripped John’s hand tighter.

_„Doesn’t look nice because it used me to sign  
And I was shaking_

_Hey, let me introduce you to my body._  
_This is the part that is his and his and his_  
_He’s signing me over and over again_  
_With a stair-rail,”_

She pointed to her hip and Alex breathed faster,

_„With his bare nail”,_

Laurens stroke over Alex’ thumb as he was rubbing his sleeve,

_„Making a trail  
With my own blood.”_

She tugged her shirt up, revealing almost faded bruises.  
Laurens didn’t really look.  
He whispered if Alex was okay and he nodded.  
He said they could go any time.  
He hid his face in John’s sweater and shook his head.  
The girl breathed heavily, too.  
  
„Sorry. Sorry.  
Hey. _Hey,_ ”

she said as if to calm herself, while John moved his hand in circles over Alex’ back,

„ _Let me introduce you to my body.  
This is the part that is hers.”_

She laid a hand on her heart.

 _„This is the part she took from me_  
_It was broken and ugly_  
_Tear-soaking and filthy_  
_And she took it_  
_And held it_  
_as if it was beautiful and whole_  
_until it was,”_

Alex’ muscles relaxed a bit and Kylie seemed to calm down, too,

 _„So this is the part she gave back_  
_to me and it is actually mine_  
_It’s soft and it smells like home_  
_And sometimes I’m taken over by it_  
_Her touches make the pieces one_  
_And I love her so bad_  
_The sensation of her eyes on me_  
_Sometimes makes me love me too._  
Thank you.”

She left the stage and Alex looked up. „Sorry, I didn’t mean to-“  
„It’s okay, Alex,” he said without removing his arm from his shoulder. „This reminded you on your cousin, didn’t it?” Laurens added in a lower voice.  
Alex wasn’t hawking around with his past but there were some things he had told him and one of them was how bad his cousin treated him before he committed suicide.  
Well, he hadn’t explicitly said that but that’s what John figured.  
Alex nodded quickly.  
“It would be perfectly fine if we’d go outside, okay, Alex? Do you want to?”  
He thought for a moment. “No. I want to hear the next one. If that’s okay, I want to stay.” He let out a little chuckle because it rhymed.  
“Okay, Alex.” John gave him a smile.  
“Thank you, Laurens,” he said genuinely.  
Alex recovered within the next two slams, that were lighter and funnier, but they didn’t stop sitting close to each other and Laurens made sure he was always touching his friend, making sure he always felt he was still there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for putting up with me another chapter!
> 
> You're great!


	3. i call yours beauty lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied self-harm, again, sorry! And I don't know exactly how to call it but I guess "self-hate thoughts" is close enough. But there's fluff in between, I promise!

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon and the sun tickled Laurens’ nose.  
Alex and he were lying on the grass in the park. The original plan was for the squad to meet here but Eliza, Herc and Laf had suddenly decided to make a shopping tour.

John sprawled out, eyes closed, contentedly listening to the sound of his best friend eagerly scribbling in his notebook.  
There had been a time when Laurens had thought he was only writing like he was running out of time when he had an essay due the next day, but the nearer the summer came and the better he knew Alex, the more he was positive about him needing writing for more important things than college.

That’s why John was suspicious when the scribbling suddenly stopped. He opened one eye. „You are staring at me, Alex.”

„I am thinking. Besides, it’s always nice to look at you.” He forced a grin.

John sat up. „Yeah, sure. It didn’t look like you were thinking something nice.”

„I wasn’t,” Alex whispered, suddenly sounding incredibly tired.

He pushed his notebook away from him. Laurens couldn’t read it like that but there were many black boxes, resulting from crossing out the words beyond too often.

Normally, when Alex wrote it happened so fast, there was no way he could do that more than once, otherwise he would be overrun by his train of thought.

John pulled him down on his lap and started playing with his hair. He knew if he kept silent his friend would start talking on his own.

„Sometimes,” Alex began, „I think I’m not good enough.”

He didn’t have to actually say it for John to know. His tank top revealed the inconspicuous marks on his fore arms and under the fabric in which Alex was digging his fingers was the fire scar his cousin bequeathed.

Alex had punished himself enough for something he wasn’t responsible for.

John knew when he said ‘sometimes’, he meant every night, every time he couldn’t distract himself fast enough, when he was too tired to hold a pen but the thoughts haunted him anyway.

When Alex said ‘not good enough’, he meant not strong enough, not worth enough, too much of a burden and too less of what he thought would make him loveable.

Granted, these thoughts were Laurens’ too so he couldn’t be sure if he just confused his own thoughts with what he thought Alex’ were.

John took a strand of hair from Alex’ cheek, not noticing that he leaned towards the soft touch. They had this kind of conversation not for the first time and it broke John’s heart more with every repetition. „Alex. You are good. More than enough.” _I love you, remember?_ „Besides, you don’t have to be good. We love you anyway.”

He twisted Alex’ hair around his finger. „Remember that time Laf and Herc broke in just to make sure you’re okay?”

The memory actually made him smile a bit. „Yeah, it’s hard to forget that. I see the crack in the door every morning, after all.”

„Do you think about how much we love you every morning? Because that’s what it means, Alex.”

„I love you too, I mean, you all,” Laurens bit his lip over this correction, „You’re amazing. But…”

Alex’ voice faded again. His fingers kept stroking the scars on his arms. „Every time I see myself I remember that I’m not.”

“I think they’re beautiful, actually. I call them beauty lines in my head,” John burst out without thinking.

This wasn't actually the message Laurens had intended to deliver but he couldn't think of a better way to say „I love every bit of you, scarred or not, because they are part of the person I love“ without revealing he was in love with his best friend.

_In love. You call this sickness love, Jackie?_ John swallowed hard. This wasn't the right moment to hear his father's voice in the back of his head, his rising own dark thoughts standing in total contrast to the soft rays of the sinking sun.

„I…what?”

Laurens thought for a second he had talked aloud but apparently the notion of him being beautiful was enough to baffle Alex.

„Don't get me wrong,” he added hastily. „What happened to you was so far from pretty, I know that. But when I see you, I don't see what happened to you, I see how strong you are every day to overcome it. Alex, you're a fighter at heart. It's only logical you have battle scars.”

He wished he was more talented with words, able to use them like Alex did to make him see himself through Laurens' eyes. However, his words still had an effect. Alex looked up at him with glistening eyes. „Thank you, Laurens.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to talk about it,” he smiled.

Alex shook his head but didn't say anything. He kept lying on Laurens’ lap with now closed eyes while he combed through his soft hair.

Later he reached over to grab Alex’ notebook, trying to move as little as possible. His best friend must have noticed something but he kept his eyes shut.

Good for Laurens, who had to put a plan into action now. It was a bit uncomfortable at first, but he somehow managed to draw on the paper without disturbing Alex.

It took him far less time than a sketch like that normally would – but he would rather die than admit that this was due to the fact that he kept drawing Alex.

“Wake up please,” John said softly, to make sure he would only hear it if he was awake anyway.

Alex immediately opened his eyes and sat up straight. “Do I finally get to see what you did the whole time? – Hey, that’s my notebook!”

Laurens turned it around for Alex to see. He looked amazed. “Wow, Laurens, that’s beautiful.”

“It’s you. You see that line on your chin?”

Alex’ hand wandered to the scar slightly below his face as if to make sure there was any resemblance between him and the picture.

“Beauty line,” he explained. He looked at him baffled.

Pointing at the stroke he repeated slowly, “Beauty line.”

John waved his hand over the sketch. “Beautiful.”

“Beauty line,” he said, now pointing at Alex’ scar still covered by his hand.

He moved his hand up and down in front of Alex’ face. “Beautiful. Same goes for the inside.”

His friend slowly seemed to recover but started blushing instead. “Don’t treat me like I am stupid, I’m not stupid.”

John smiled. “Good, but I could repeat that for the whole day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, I love you!


	4. you call mine stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take a break from the angst! You'll get second last chapter fluff and mentioned Herc/Laf, enjoy!

Summer was becoming hotter and hotter and John hated it with a burning passion.

He started questioning his decision to keep his hair shoulder length as he stared into the emptiness of his fridge. At this point he didn't open it anymore hoping something edible would appear but to feel a bit of its coldness.

Chilly air reached his sweaty skin. It was almost too hot to even wear a shirt, not to mention the binder a layer beyond it.

Normally he would have stayed in his room topless, only going out to fill up his water bottle once again. He mostly didn't meet Lafayette on this quick trips but when he did they were okay with him being shirt- and binderless and he was okay with them seeing him like that.

Today, however, was different.

Alexander would visit the roommates and he wasn't that confident in front of him.

„Shut it, mon ami, it will only get worse,“ his friend suddenly said from behind his back, „Besides, you are wasting my good money.“

„Why didn't you waste your good money on something to eat?“ Laurens complained shutting the fridge.

Lafayette smirked. „That's what I did. There's plenty of tofu and lettuce in it, soy and almond milk, and we still have oats.”

Their roommate groaned. „Why can't I have normal friends who sink their teeth in cheese with me?”

He would have said meat but after one year living with the cooking vegan it was hard to be not at least a vegetarian. It wasn't as if he didn't like the stuff Laf cooked, he just couldn't make it by himself so that it would taste okay.

„I love you too, mon ami.”

Laurens finally really looked at them to give a sarcastic reply. He stopped as he noticed they were binding their shoe laces. „You going somewhere?”

They looked up with a grin. „Yes, I'm sacrificing myself to model for Hercules.”

„Yeah, it must be hard to spend time with your boyfriend and getting kisses as reward. Did you forget Alex, Lafayette?”

„Like I said, a sacrifice. And aren't you about to do the same?” They winked.

John blushed. „Alex and I aren't...what do you even think...he's my...Laf! You are not letting me alone with him!”

„I am _so_ sorry, mon ami,“ they said opening the door with a mischievous grin.

He could almost see Herc and them planning alone time for their two friends.

The second Laf was about to leave, Alex stood on the doorstep. “Hey, Laf, you are going away?”, he asked as he entered.

“Unfortunately yes, mon ami. But come in, you and John will have a great time!” They turned around to give a grin to John but it was quickly replaced with a more serious face. “Laurens, it’s pretty hot, don’t you want to change your clothes?” they asked in a weird tone.

What a nice way to blackmail him. He knew they just said it to make sure he’d be okay but they were toeing a line here.

 _Sorry_ , said their eyes before they found back to their beaming grin saying goodbye loudly before shutting the door.

“Everything okay with Laf?” Alex asked looking at the door.

John smiled, not because of Laf but because he couldn't help it seeing him. „Yeah, they're okay. Just crazy as usual. Modelling for their boyfriend.” He rolled his eyes.

Alex smirked. “Well, that explains it all. Anyway,” he spread his arms to pull him in their usual greeting hug, “good to see your face, John Laurens.”

“You too,” he mumbled in his shoulder.

“Liar, you don’t even see my face. And I wear sun glasses.” He proceeded to hold him at arm’s length after attaching the glasses to his cleavage. “But Laf’s right, you really feel a bit hot. Are _you_ okay?”

Laurens made a vague gesture to his upper body and shrugged. “Let’s just watch the movie.”

He turned to go to their small living room but Alex stopped him. Keeping his hand in a light grip around John’s wrist he forced him to look at him. “Hey, it’s hot. And it’s just me. Look, I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable but…you know. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable and overheat either.”

Alex’ fingers were pleasantly cold and Laurens bit his lip. “It’s just me,” Alex repeated.

It wasn’t “just him” for Laurens but he still had a point. And the summer wasn’t about to end – not a too good prospect.

Looking in Alex’ eyes there was just genuine worry about him. He gave in. “Okay. I’ll be back in just a minute, you can choose a film in the meantime, yeah?”

It took him a bit more than a minute to figure out what he should wear now. The shirt he wore was already sweaty and he didn’t really want to try anything else without anything under it.

He finally chose a cotton rainbow-colored bandeau bra that didn’t really look like a bra. Laf had been with him when he bought it and they even took one with them for themselves – because they liked it, they said, even though they didn’t necessarily need it.

He didn’t bother to wear anything over it, it was just too hot.

Alex waited on the couch for him, looking up as he entered the room. His eyes widened slightly and John immediately crossed his arms and launched himself on the spot next to Alex.

Alex’ eyes followed him. “You are staring again, Alex.”

“They are everywhere,” was the awestruck answer. It was only now that Alex even really looked at his chest.

“What?”

“Your freckles. I didn’t expect them to be everywhere. On your shoulders and on your back and wow. It’s like your body is star-spattered.” He looked at him admiring.

He laughed. “Watch it, your gay is showing,” Laurens teased.

“You are the one wearing the pride flag,” Alex shot back.

“That’s… true. Let’s watch the movie. What did you pick?”

He smirked. “It might or might not be about ninja turtles.”

John almost let out an excited squeak. “Really? God, I love you, Alexander Hamilton.”

He started searching for the remote and failed to register how sad his friend’s smile looked for a second before Alex handed it over to him. Laurens put his hand on it but didn’t take it.

Alex started tapping on the floor but didn’t let go either. “Are you going to use this now or should I do it?”

John kept silent, staring at him suspiciously. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Promise you won’t point out any plot holes. Or talk in between that one scene, you know the one.”

Alex stared back. His eyes drifted quickly over Laurens’ freckles and a sudden grin appeared on his face.  “Fine. But only if I can speak along with the opening scene.”

“You don’t know a single word out of it.”

“Exactly.”

Unnecessary to mention that they ended up muting the movie and made up their own dialogues, only interrupted by a little water fight in the kitchen.

When Laf came back, they found them snuggled together – despite the heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, there's nothing like summer in the city...  
> Thank you for all the feedback, I love you!  
> Are you excited for the final chapter?


	5. we're beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prepare for angst, one last time!

“Laaaf. What should I do?” John asked burying his face into a pillow.

He could hear his roommate sigh. “Did Alex say something cute again?”

“Yes,” he moaned. “Help me.”

“You know, it would help much more if you did just tell him about your feelings, mon petite ami.”

John sat up. “First, I’m not small; second, I’m not willing to die of shame, thank you very much.”

“Then you will die old and alone never knowing if he reciprocates your feelings,” they smiled, “What exactly did he do anyway?”

“He invited me to the club we all met, almost exactly six months ago. He thinks that’d be a good reason to celebrate the day he ‘met the kindest, cutest, bravest and most amazing person he ever had the pleasure to be friends with’,” Laurens said, reading the last part off his screen.

“And Hercules and me,” Laf added dry-wittedly. “Don’t you think it’s a bit suspicious that he’s only inviting you?”

He sank back into the soft fabric. “But he said friends. _Friends._ ”

They sighed again. “Maybe you just go to this club and see what it brings. And maybe stop complaining after that. After all, I suffered with you for the last six months.”

“Thanks, Laf. I appreciate it,” he mumbled into his pillow.

 

Alex waited in front of the club for him, nervously rubbing his neck. He seemed to be deep in thought but Laurens still was surprised when he jumped at his touch.

“Easy, Alex. Didn’t mean to startle you, sorry.”

He blinked. “No, it’s my fault, I was…distracted.” A grin appeared on his face. “Hey, Freckles.”

John burst out laughing. “I can’t believe you remember that.” He tugged on his shirt. “Don’t you want to go in?”

Alex bit his lip. “Actually, I thought we could stay here a bit. Maybe talk. About good things!” he added hastily as he saw his best friend’s panicked expression. “Everything’s okay, Laurens. May I?”

He pointed at the other one’s hand which was weird because he had never asked to hold John’s hand before. “Sure, Alex, but seriously, are you okay? You act weird.”

“Shut up, I’m trying to say something here,” Alex replied, squeezing his hand.

Laurens furrowed a brow. Alex had said he wanted to talk about good things but his own racing heart was telling a different story. “Okay?”

A group of young girls left the club, giggling loudly while trying to keep their balance.

“Well, maybe not _here,_ ” he stated, leading the other one farther away from the doorway.

Just before they left the light of the street lamps, Alex finally stopped, swinging der intertwined hands back and forth.

“I’m getting nervous,” John informed him, trying to sound joking. Which was a blatant understatement. His heart was bumping against his chest and he could feel his hands getting more and more clammy. _That’s it, Jacqueline. He has finally realized what an abomination you are. He’s trying to play it down because he’s much nicer than you deserve, but he’ll ultimately leave you._

“A-Alex,” he whispered, trying to dam up his tears. He didn’t want to cry in front of him but he couldn’t help it. His tear soaked voice sounded way too high; something that didn’t help him calm down at all.

Suddenly there were a hand rubbing his back, and another one pulling him close. He could feel Alex’ chest vibrating as he talked. “Shh, babe, shh. What’s wrong, John?”

He violently shook his head, resulting in Alex’ grip tightening. _Relish it as long as it lasts._

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be alright. It’s okay,” he kept repeating as he continued to make circles with his hands on John’s back.

“It’s not,” John finally objected. He tried to bring his voice back under control but his voice was trembling too much, no matter how often he repeated it.

“John. John! Alex put his hand gently in Laurens’ neck, forcing him to look up at him.

Laurens could see the little scar on his chin he loved so much. At the thought of missing him tears flooded his eyes.

“Hey,” Alex said softly, “Look at me.”

He forced his eyes a few inches higher.

“Good, Laurens. Thank you. We are going to breathe now, okay? In”, he waited for John to follow his request, “and out. You are doing great. Let’s do it again.”

And so they continued until Laurens’ heart slowly stopped racing. “Better now?”

He nodded.

“Do you want to tell me now?”

John nodded again, looking down at his feet. “I-I don’t want to lose you.”

“What?” Alex sounded genuinely surprised. “Laurens, you won’t lose me. Never. That was kinda the original point of this all.”

Now it was his turn to be baffled. “What?”

Laurens couldn’t be sure with only the dim light of the street lamp to light Alex’ face but it almost seemed like he was blushing. “I wanted to tell you…I meant to say…”

“Am I witnessing Alexander ‘Non-stop’ Hamilton searching for words?” he asked with a tiny smile before something else found its way in his mind. “Is it possible that you called me ‘babe’ a few minutes ago?”

Now he was sure Alex turned red. “This isn’t going according to plan. At all.”

“Then tell me the plan,” John demanded. He had no idea where this confidence suddenly came from with his cheeks not even having dried.

“If you insist,” he took a deep breath, “Six months ago – well, almost six months but the anniversary is a Wednesday and I didn’t want you to miss the LGBT group so… anyway. Six months ago we met here and you immediately proved how amazing you are. I’d be lying if I said it was that evening it happened because you know my trust issues damn well. But still, you somehow managed to make me fall in love with you. Which wasn’t really fair because I was planning on becoming a hermit at this point and you totally used your freckles against me.”

John shook his head in disbelief. “Wait a second, _you_ are in love with _me_?”

“Helplessly,” Alex agreed, shifting his weight nervously.

“I’ve been in love with you for ages!” he burst out. “I almost drove Laf to insanity!”

“Really? Eliza started threatening me. Either I’d tell you or she would. But – really?” He tried to hide his smile behind his hand but his eyes were still brighter than ever.

“Real-,” John started to say before Alex pulled the smaller one even closer.

His lips came nearer but he stopped an inch away from Laurens’, waiting for his reaction.

Well, his reaction was closing the distance between their mouths and not letting go before he couldn’t remember how long ago they started.

“Now that’s a nice outcome,” somebody said, coming from the street. They jumped apart.

“Eliza?” Laurens asked surprised.

“Back-up plan in case things would get awkward,” Alex explained with a nervous laugh.

“It didn’t seem like they got before I showed up,” Eliza smiled. “You make a beautiful couple.”

Alex gave him a questioning look. Were they a couple?

“Yes,” Laurens simply said, squeezing his hand. “We’re beautiful.”

Eliza laughed. “Great. I wouldn’t have survived another month hearing about ‘these gorgeous eyes amidst these freckles-‘”

“I didn’t-“

“They’re like _stars_ , Eliza!” she mimicked her friend. Then she turned to the other boy and winked, “I’m gonna call Lafayette, they’ll be happy to hear that, too, won’t they?”

She pulled out her phone, already going away.

“Wait – you _both_ knew it the whole time?” Laurens shouted after her.

She didn’t even look back, but there was a huge grin in her voice. “Catch ya later! We’re going in when I’m back!”

“Unbelievable,” Alex chuckled. “But it’s not like we’ll be bored waiting, right?”

Laurens put his arms around his boyfriend’s ( _boyfriend’_ s!) neck. “Surely not.”

He stood up on his tiptoes to kiss him again but Alex pulled away with a mock shocked expression. “What are you trying to do here, John Laurens? I was suggesting counting your freckles!”

Laurens snorted. “Oh, really?”

“Nah,” Alex grinned. “Just wanted to keep you on your tiptoes for a little longer. Come here, love.”

_Out of his mouth “love” doesn’t sound sick at all_ was the last thing he thought before their lips met again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it ends, my first fic.   
> Thank you for all your comments and kudos! Especially to those commenting on every chapter, thank you so much!   
> You are all gorgeous!  
> Let me know if you are interested in a Mariza fic, this time longer, I've got an idea at the back of my mind...

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this, guys!  
> I also have a tumblr, schreibfederlaerm.tumblr.com, and I'm always happy to get prompts!  
> And if you notice any mistakes, please point them out, as a non-native speaker this would help me a lot <3  
> 


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